Star Trek: Voyager

Over the years I have been searching for family-friendly Star Trek jokes (by which I mean those you would feel comfortable in telling your four-year-old AND your grandmother). I have collected many from the internet, from books, and from the final frontier.

Voyager Knock-Knock

by Jenni Twigg

Knock-Knock.
Janeway: What? Who's there?
Chakotay: Turn that (beep) thing down will ya?
Tuvok: It is illogical to answer such questions.
Torres: Will some one answer the (beep) door!
Kim: I can't answer the door. I'm too busy reading technobabble.
Paris: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Neelix: What was that?
Kes: Don't open the door to strangers. I'm too young to answer the door anyway.

Boo.

Janeway: Boo Who?
Chakotay: Wow. I'm so scared.
Tuvok: My Vulcan control does not allow me to reply.
Torres: Will you shut up and go away?
Kim: It's not Halloween yet.
Paris: Hey girl!
Neelix: I still don't get it.
Kes: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Janeway: Don't cry, It's only a joke!
All: That was the dumbest thing i ever heard!
Neelix: I STILL don't get it.

Top Ten Misconceptions About The Starship Voyager And Her Crew

10. Misconception: the Doctor is a hologram.
Fact: He is the only real crew member-- everyone else is a hologram.

9. Misconception: Torres is the head of engineering.
Fact: Seven of Nine is the head of engineering.

8. Misconception: Seven of Nine is a recovering Borg.
Fact: She's just disguising herself as a recovering Borg, but in fact plans to assimilate Earth when they get home.

7. Misconception: Chakotay has mastered lucid dreaming.
Fact: He's dreaming right now and doesn't even know it.

6. Misconception: Kim has the hots for Seven of Nine.
Fact: Janeway has ordered Kim to get close to Seven and uncover her next plot to lead Voyager to the Borg.

5. Misconception: Neelix is an authority on the Delta Quadrant.
Fact: He's been hiding his "Delta Quadrant for Dummies" book.

4. Misconception: Tuvok never laughs.
Fact: He's laughing on the inside.

3. Misconception: Starfleet is now aware of what happened to Voyager and is doing everything they can to bring her home.
Fact: Starfleet is now aware of what happened to Voyager and wants her to stay in the Delta Quadrant and explore until she runs out of gas.

2. Misconception: Tom Paris was happy to become the Doctor's new assistant.
Fact: Engineering is closer to sickbay than the bridge.

1. Misconception: From its present position, it will take Voyager approximately 58 years to get home.
Fact: Not even the most avid Trekkie would watch Star Trek: Voyager for that many seasons.

Did you hear about the E.M.H. on Voyager? He started going nuts and killing all his patients.
-They're saying he's a hologramicidal maniac.