Star Trek: Commanders Under Pressure

Over the years I have been searching for family-friendly Star Trek jokes (by which I mean those you would feel comfortable in telling your four-year-old AND your grandmother). I have collected many from the internet, from books, and from the final frontier.

The situation:

The Enterprise is under attack and various commanders have only enough time for one last order. How is this tense situation handled by different characters ?

Scotty : "Why, ye lily-livered poor excuse for a silly puddy potato head, I oughta blast ye t'Ceti Alpha Six!"

McCoy : "I'm a Doctor, not a soldier!"

Geordi : "Reroute the phase inducers and heterodyne the frequency of the warp coil!"

Worf : "yopwaHHomwIj yISop, romuluSngan!" (Eat my shorts, Romulan!)

Spock : (Raises eyebrow)

Data : "Romulan commander ! your actions are most unnecessary and are not in keeping with the established treaties. May I advise you of the current political situation which threatens the very continuity of the principles involved. A corollary I might point out would be that of ....."

Riker : "Shields UP ! Red ALERT ! Captain to the BRIDGE !"

Picard : "Open hailing frequencies so that I can quote Shakespeare!"

Troi : "I feel, I feel, uhhhhh ! "

Kirk : "FIRE !"

thanks: http://members.tripod.com/~spacefreak/stjokes/pressure.html