Borg Jokes

Over the years I have been searching for family-friendly Star Trek jokes (by which I mean those you would feel comfortable in telling your four-year-old AND your grandmother). I have collected many from the internet, from books, and from the final frontier.
...and computers
  • Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y)
  • BorgDOS: Irrelevant command or filename.
  • My other computer is a Borg.
  • We are the Borg. Your files will be assimilated.
  • We are Microsoft!...You will be assimilated! Resistance is futile!
  • GOTO, GOING TO, GONE TO: Borg subroutine.

...and food

  • Borger King. Have it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
  • McBorgers: Over 50 million assimilated.
  • Welcome to Borg Burger. No pickles. Pickles are irrelevent.

...and famous sayings

  • Pythagoras of Borg: Distance is irrelevant.
  • Drunk Borg: Rsilience in floor tile. Wan'be similated?
  • Groucho Borg: That's the silliest thing I ever assimilated.
  • I am Bart of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated, Man!
  • I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective?
  • I am Caffeine of Borg. Sleep is irrelevant.
  • I am CopyCat of Borg. Your tagline will be assimilated.
  • I am Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am.
  • I am Garfield of Borg - Hairballs are irrelevant.
  • I am Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but WAIT! There's MORE!!
  • I yam Popeye of Borg, Prepare to be askimilated
  • P-Porky P-Pig of Borg: You will be assim-assim... absorbed.
  • We are Daleks of Borg. ASSIMILATE! ASSI-MIL-ATE!!!!!!!

...and music

  • U2 will become one with the Borg. We like Bono.
  • We all sleep in a single subroutine - The Borgles
  • Borg in the USA - Borg Springsteen
  • Assimilate me tender - Elvis of Borg

...and everything else

  • Political correctness is a Borg plot.
  • Tennis is irrelevant. - Bjorn Borg
  • The Borg are coming! Quick, try and look useless.
  • The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!
  • The Borg: Calm, Cool and Collective.
  • The Swedish Chef has been assimilated. Borg borg borg!
  • We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday.

Top Ten ways to know your roommate is a Borg:
10. Their clothes are always black
9. The $50,000 phone bills
8. They spend 3 weeks in Florida and still look white
7. Your home entertainment center disappears, two days later they are wearing it.
6. TV reception gets poor when they walk by
5. They spend more time reading newsgroups than you do
4. Whenever you talk to them the laser on the side of their head blinds you
3. An electronics store chain used them as a mascot
2. They assimilate all your food
1. Everything is irrelevant