Star Trek Miscellaneous

Over the years I have been searching for family-friendly Star Trek jokes (by which I mean those you would feel comfortable in telling your four-year-old AND your grandmother). I have collected many from the internet, from books, and from the final frontier.
Q:What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?
A: A croaking device.

Reasons Why Kirk and Janeway Would Make a Great Couple

  • She's a woman. He's Captain James T. Kirk!
  • When the ship gets lost (yet again), she can make him stop and ask for directions.
  • They can go on away teams and have "adventures".
  • Animal guide, lizard, meet animal guide, tribble!
  • They both know how to live without replicators.

Things That Will Never Happen on Star Trek

  • The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
  • The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly ok.
  • Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works perfectly.
  • The crew is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well stocked sickbay.
  • A power surge on the bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly trained and competent engineering staff.
  • The crew is captured by a vastly superior alien race which does not put them on trial.
  • The crew is captured by an inferior alien race which they easily pacify with candy and sweets.
  • A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but some other ships in the area are able to deal with it.

    • Worst Starfleet names and registries

  • U.S.S. Satan NCC 666
  • U.S.S. Friday NCC 13-8
  • U.S.S. James Bond NCC 007
  • U.S.S. Rescue NCC 911
  • U.S.S. George Orwell NCC 1984
  • U.S.S. Beverly Hills NCC 90210
  • U.S.S. Convenience NCC 7-11
  • U.S.S. Lotus NCC 123

    • Star Trek Books

    (say these out loud to get the maximum impact)
    Q: Have you heard about the book on Betazoids?
    A: It's by: Ophelia Paine.

    Q: Have you read the book "Go to Warp 9..."?
    A: It's by: N. Gage

    Q: Have you read the book "The Positronic Brain"?
    A: It's by: Anne Droid

    Q: Have you read the book "Damn it Jim"?
    A: It's by: Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.

    Q: Have you read the book "Chekov: The Navigator"?
    A: It's by: I. Kiptin